There is a saying: “Every family has a hard nut to crack.” What’s the “nut” in your family? The relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, between a husband and wife, or among brothers? No matter which, it makes us troublesome and miserable. Today I’ll share you something about the relationship between parent and child, which is the concern of many parents. Now, let’s see how the protagonist of our story Fanny learned to get along with her son, Jay.
In order that Jay could grow healthy, Fanny asked him to listen to her in everything in daily life. But contrary to her expectations, Jay obeyed Fanny less and less as he grew, and often was at odds with her.
Fanny Versus Jay in the First Round
One day, Fanny came back home. Hardly had she parked her car when Jay ran from his room to open its trunk but was disappointed. He said, “Mom, why didn’t you bring something to eat? I want to eat snacks.” Fanny thought to herself: You eat snacks but not meals every day. If you go on like this, your health must be damaged. No, I can’t indulge you anymore. Then she said, “You’re always eating snacks. They are junk food and bad for your health.” “I eat much less than others,” Jay complained, in the pouts.
Seeing that Jay had the audacity to talk back to her, Fanny became extremely angry. She stood there with her arms akimbo and shouted, “You are you, others are others. I’m saying this for your own good!” Who knows that Jay didn’t take his mother’s words seriously at all, but picked up the cell phone and phoned his dad, asking him to bring back some snacks. This scene made Fanny start to think: The child is so disobedient. I’m worried if you eat too many snacks you will be in bad health. Far from appreciating my kindness, you complained against me; how can you be so thoughtless? Now you even disobey me. What I tell you is all for your sake.
Fanny Versus Jay in the Second Round
One day before the 2017 entrance examinations to high school, Jay told Fanny, “Mom, my teacher recommended me to apply for a key school in the city, for my score is among the best in my class. The enrolment date is July 9.” Aware that it was such an important thing, and considering that only six days remained before the date, Fanny couldn’t help worrying. Seeing Jay’s indifference, she urged him, “Tomorrow you must get your teacher’s phone number. Your dad will talk with your teacher about the enrolment.” Jay unconcernedly said, “I won’t ask my teacher for his phone number. He said that only the household register and my student number were needed. I’ll go there by bus with my classmates then.” These words stirred Fanny’s anger, and she thought, “You’re so young. How dare you not listen to me? My life experiences are more than yours. Could I do anything bad for you?” Thinking of this, she commanded, “Ask your teacher for his number. Your dad will ask him to go with you. We are unfamiliar with these things. You’re too young and haven’t been to the city alone. Only when your teacher accompanies you will I feel at ease.” Mother’s nagging bored Jay. He didn’t want to listen more to Fanny or ask for his teacher’s phone number. In great impatience, he replied no more.
Seeing Jay’s impatient look, Fanny became angrier. She scolded him, “Now there is something important for you to do, but you refuse. What will become of you when you step into the society one day?” “It’s my business,” Jay said exasperatedly, moving his head to one side. His aggressive words made Fanny feel very suffocated inside: How dare you talk back to me? No way! Today I must make you listen to me no matter what, or else I’ll lose the authority before you. Therefore, Fanny shouted to him angrily, “All I do is for your sake, yet you get angry and talk back to me. You really become less and less obedient!” Jay then kept arguing with her more unyieldingly, talking about his own reasons. …The air between them became frozen. In the end, their argument reached a stalemate and they parted on bad terms.
Fanny Versus Jay in the Third Round
The next evening it was raining heavily. Fanny got home and found Jay still not in. Not long after, Jay arrived home by bicycle. Seeing him all wet, Fanny hurriedly asked, “Why do you come back so late? Where have you been?” He replied impatiently, “At my classmate’s home.” Fanny thought that Jay always loved having fun and didn’t know how to consider matters. She said, “If you had come back earlier, you would not get wet.” Conversely, Jay blamed Fanny, “Why didn’t you come to pick me up?” Hearing his words, Fanny felt very sad, thinking: It’s obvious that you came back late. Yet you don’t actively admit your own fault, but blame me. You really take me lightly. Besides, that I require you to come home early is for your sake. How could I be wrong? I don’t mind that you didn’t understand me, but how could you blame me for not picking you up? Fanny was really unable to accept it and then she scolded him again for being thoughtless and unreasonable. And Jay still disputed with her with full reason …
Editor’s note: I believe that every parent, after having read Fanny’s story, must know how she felt. When your children didn’t accept your kindness but rather got angry at you, you could do nothing but sigh: “This kid causes me so much worry.” I guess that all of you are eager to see how the story of Fanny and Jay would go on. Here it is.
Finding Out the Apple of Discord Between Them
Fanny often felt puzzled: Why can’t I get along well with my son? Is it because my method of educating him is wrong? Or he is too thoughtless? How should I commune with him? She brought these questions before God and prayed to God, “Oh, God! The problem between me and my son continues to get more and more intense. I’m feeling very sad. I think that making strict demands of him is for his own good. Yet he doesn’t appreciate it, and even estranges himself from me. I don’t know why things go on like this. God, please help me and let me know how to get along normally with him.”
After the prayer, Fanny read God’s words that say: “Precisely because a parent always assumes their place as a parent and will not budge from it, keeping that status from which they will not come down, their child becomes at odds with them. A lot of things really result from the parent always assuming their place as such and taking themselves too seriously; they always see themselves as the parent, the elder: ‘Regardless of when, you won’t get escape from your mother’s (or father’s) control; you’ll still have to listen to me. You are my child. The fact of this doesn’t change, regardless of when.’ This viewpoint makes them miserable and wretched, and makes the child miserable and exhausted. Isn’t this the case? Is this not a manifestation that one doesn’t understand the truth? How is the truth to be practiced in this case? … It is the letting go of the position and status of a parent, the airs of a parent, and all of the responsibility one thinks they should assume, everything that one thinks they should be doing as a parent; instead, it’s enough that one does the best they can in terms of their responsibility as an ordinary brother or sister. Would you say that’s easy to do? (It’s not easy.) Why? (Because people have expended effort; they feel that they gave birth to the child, it’s them who raised it. They think, ‘I should be in charge of you, I should be telling you off, I have the right to do so.’) That’s right. The parent does not have the right to take charge of others, and others would not let them. They cannot take charge of anyone else; they wouldn’t dare to. It wasn’t easy to get to the position of a parent, so how could they not want to occupy that position all their lives? It has by no means been easy for the parent to find themselves with someone to take charge of, so isn’t it natural they want to do so right to the end? And many parents think they are always right. ‘As long as it’s for the child’s sake, what I’m doing is right.’ They really have such thoughts and points of view. How could you not make mistakes? You too are a corrupted human being, how can you determine that you are without error? As long as you admit that you do not possess the truth, that you are a corrupted human being, then you have errors and you can make mistakes. You can make mistakes, yet at every turn how is it that you try to take charge of your children, and have them at every turn listen to you? Is this not an arrogant disposition? This is an arrogant disposition and a ferocious one at that.”
God’s words made Fanny understand the root of why parent and child are always in disharmony. It is just because a parent always assumes their place as a parent and rely on their arrogant disposition to control their children. They think that what they say and what they do is for their children’s own good, so they don’t listen to what their children think, nor consider matters from their perspective, but rather blindly ask them to obey, thus causing that they are often in conflict with each other. She thought: My son and I often got into arguments over trifles. Wasn’t it because I often asked him to obey me from the standpoint of a mother? I always thought that all I arranged for him was right and for his own good. So, once he didn’t listen to me and even talked back to me, I would get angry, feeling distressed and in pain and thinking that he saw me as being of no account. And I became more willing to use my status as a parent to force him to obey me. As such, the relationship between us became worse and worse, the conflicts occurred more and more, and I myself often lived in pain. Actually I am a corrupt man, without truth. My thoughts were not always fit for him and my requirements of him were not all right. Why did I always ask and even force him to listen to me? The root cause was that directed by my arrogant and conceited nature, I always thought that since I gave birth to him, I certainly had the right to control him and he must obey me. However, faced with my various requirements, Jay felt no love and care, but condescending control and oppression. So, even though what I said was right, he could hardly accept, and even disliked and revolted against it. As a result, our relationship became difficult. Understanding this, Fanny calmed down and made up her mind to practice according to God’s requirements: letting go of the position as a mother, learning to commune with Jay, listening more to his thoughts, giving him more space, and respecting his opinions. This practice is the only right way to get along with him.
Editor’s note: From God’s words Fanny knew her arrogant nature and understood the apple of discord between her and her son. It must be said a big breakthrough, and a very good thing. However, everyone knows that there is a long distance between understanding the truth and putting it into practice. Could Fanny actually improve her relationship with Jay? Please continue reading on.
Renewing the Intimate Relationship Between the Mother and Son
In September, Jay was going to the key junior high school. Before school started, Jay said to Fanny, “Mom, now I’ll go to the key school. You should give me at least thirty yuan every week.” Fanny was astounded, “What do you need that kind of money for?” Jay hummed and hawed and then said, “Of course to buy snacks.” When she heard Jay saying “snacks,” she got extremely angry, ready to rebuke him. Just at that moment, she thought of God’s words that she had read before and knew that she shouldn’t rebuke him anymore.
So, Fanny sat down and calmly talked with Jay about the danger to health of eating snacks: Nowadays, people do anything that serves their interests. To make fortune they add chemicals to all kinds of snacks without scruple. Eating these things does more harm than good to our health. If we indulge our appetite for delicious snacks and eat too much, we will be disinclined to have meals. Gradually, we will have health problems and even get sick. God prepared abundant food for us humans, such as all kinds of grains, vegetables, fruits, and so on. As long as we are not too picky with our food, three meals a day will be able to supply the needs of our body, making us live healthily and happily. When Fanny let go of her position of a mother and communed with Jay, he wasn’t obstinate but nodded, saying “Mom, God’s arrangements are good for our health. I’m willing to listen to God’s words.” Hearing Jay’s answer, Fanny felt inexpressible joy in her heart. She thanked God sincerely and made a resolution quietly: From now on, in regard to treating my son, I must seek more truth and practice according to God’s words.
Another time, Jay only got a pass in English. His total scores declined sharply, and he ranked after fortieth in the class. His classmates laughed at him, “I’m afraid that you go home today, but you won’t be able to see tomorrow’s sun.” Jay felt sad for himself. Before supper, he took the transcript for Fanny to sign, saying timidly, “Mom, I didn’t do well in this monthly exam. Please don’t scold me. …” Fanny looked at the transcript and thought: “You did so poorly this time. If I don’t criticize you, maybe you won’t do well the next time.” When she was about to scold him, she thought of God’s words that say: “That is, you can’t control, you can’t restrain your children, and always try to keep in command and have complete control over them. Let them make mistakes, let them say the wrong things, let them do childish and immature things, do stupid things. No matter what happens, sit down and calmly talk with them, communicate and seek.” “Is there any need to use a lecturing tone? You don’t need to scold them, you don’t need to speak loudly, or shout at them, much less use words, or a tone, or an intonation that are blunt. You just need to learn to use a normal tone, commune from the position and status of an ordinary person, speak calmly, speak the words in your heart, endeavor to pour out what you understand, what other people need to understand, and speak clearly and understandably. When what you say is understandable, other people will understand, your burden will be released, they will cease to have misunderstandings, and you will see what you say more clearly; isn’t this edifying both of you? Is there any need to harangue them?”
From God’s words, Fanny understood: That she wanted to scold Jay again was still directed by her arrogant nature. Doing in this way not only couldn’t resolve the problem, but also caused her relationship with Jay to be deteriorated, and made her become someone who was at fault before God. At this moment, she hurriedly cried for God in her heart, asking Him to keep her from relying on her arrogant nature to act, so that she could talk with her son calmly. Then Fanny calmed herself down and said to Jay, “My boy, in the past, I was dominated by my arrogant nature and always asked you to obey me. Once you didn’t meet my requirement, or didn’t perform well in your exam, I lost my temper with you and scolded you, leading us to live a cat and dog life. Previously I was too arrogant. In fact, everyone can do wrong things and suffer failure, just like you didn’t do well in this exam. As long as you learn a lesson, sum up the causes why you failed, and try your best to do it well next time, that’s enough. If you work very hard but still can’t do it well, then I won’t blame you, because whether you will do well in exams is arranged by God. Do your best and that’s enough. Do well what we can do and leave the rest to God.” These words made Jay very surprised. The worry and sadness on his face disappeared. He promised his mother that he would study hard in the future.
Later, Fanny learned in life to put aside the status as a mother and to rely on God more to get along with her son according to God’s requirements. At the same time, there had been constant transformation in Jay: He didn’t eat snacks as often as before; when Fanny was away from home, Jay himself could even cook for his father. Although these were just little affairs in life, Fanny deeply felt God’s love through them. Without the teaching of God’s words, she would still live in the pain of the disharmony between her and her son. Through these experiences, she felt: To change our corrupt disposition, God arranges various circumstances in real life. As long as we seek carefully and base our conduct and behavior on God’s words, then our humanity will become ever more normal and we will get ever closer with our children. We won’t feel embarrassed about educating our children any longer, and they will become obedient and considerate. Putting the truth into practice can bring us God’s blessings. All the glory be to Almighty God!
Editor’s note: That Fanny and Jay can get along well with each other is so joyful and desirable. Hope Fanny’s experience can provide some help for parents who feel headache to get along with their children. Today’s story is concluded here. See you next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment