Trust Is Important to Happy Marriage

By Yu Xin

In 2015, I got married with my wife. She is also a Christian, so we are like-minded. We will read God’s word together every day, and help each other in life and spirit, leading a happy life. This is all brought about by our being cleansed and changed by God’s words. Even today one of such experiences is still deeply engraved on my heart …

One day, when I went out to work, I happened to meet several neighbors. They said to me with concern, “Xiaoxin, we have heard that you’re gonna have the ownership of your new house transferred to you. We want to remind you of this matter for your own good. The transfer of the ownership of a house is no small matter, so you must exercise some caution, and must not have your wife’s name written on the property ownership certificate. Don’t blame us for our harsh words. Families without children are all unstable. Your wife hasn’t borne a child for you yet, and on top of that when you married her, she was divorced and had a son by her first marriage. If you two have a good life in the future, it will be fine; if not, and you divorce her someday, you will have to give her half of the property. In that case you will have a big loss. Thinking you are honest, and being worried that you will be cheated by her, we say these words to you.” The neighbors’ every word beat upon my heart, and I began to ponder their advice carefully. I thought to myself: Their words sounded reasonable. As of now, I get along well with my wife. But after all, it is her second marriage, plus she doesn’t bear me a child, who knows how our future is going to be? At that time, I thought of my neighboring third elder brother who also made a second marriage with his wife. At the beginning, they had a good life. But unexpectedly, his wife played games with him, keeping for herself sixty or seventy thousand yuan he had earned every year. Later, when the third elder brother asked her for the money for his daughter’s school fees, however, she said there was not much money left, and would not give him any. Since then, conflicts between them began to appear. The third elder brother did not give the money that he earned to his wife anymore, and eventually they broke up. Think again about my wife. She and her ex-husband originally had a good life, but just because her ex-husband was addicted to gambling, they guarded against each other because of money, and got divorced in the end. These examples that laid ahead made me think that it didn’t seem wrong to be on my guard against my wife when we lived life. The more I thought about it, the more I felt what the neighbors had said was right. Maybe I really should think about this matter carefully. After all, the transfer of the ownership of the house was no small matter.

From that day on, I always fretted over whether to write my wife’s name on the property ownership certificate or not. I thought: If I have her name written on it, I will have to give her half of the property once we get divorced and don’t live together someday. Then won’t I suffer losses? But if she is not like what the neighbors said, and yet I live with her on my guard, doesn’t this mean that I doubt and suspect her? That will have a great influence on our feelings! Those days, I had been preoccupied with the matter of the house. Even though my wife, when seeing I had something on my mind, asked me with concern what had happened, I didn’t want to tell her, which unwittingly caused estrangement between us. Alas! Such a result is not what I want. But what if…. What on earth should I do? These thoughts left me in turmoil, making me unable to eat or sleep well, and I felt miserable every day because of living in guardedness and suspicion.

In pain, I prayed to God silently, “God, I have got only one wife, so I really want to treat her right, and share the words in my heart with her, instead of concealing and cheating her. But I can’t make it. God, only You can enlighten and lead me. Please help me to understand Your will and find a path to practice.”

Then, I read something written in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry into Life, “Because mankind is affected by Satan’s evil poisons every day and people are good at thinking, like to receive their favorite things, are adept at adapting to environments for survival and have free will to choose. It only takes eight to ten years living in this dark and evil world for people to be unwittingly corrupted by Satan. And the more they learn, the more corrupt they become. In addition, they are also influenced by their ancestral traditions and human propaganda and education, and so mankind has been sinking deeper and deeper into Satan’s corruption, unable to extricate themselves or escape from Satan’s corruption.

“The whole world is under Satan’s domain. Satan’s philosophies for living and viewpoints exist inside everyone. They have long been people’s foundation for existence and the essence of their nature.” These words made me understand: We mankind has been influenced by all kinds of mistaken viewpoints of Satan after being corrupted by it. “It is impossible to judge a man’s heart from his face,” “One shouldn’t have the heart to harm others, but must be vigilant so as not to be harmed,” these Satan’s philosophies of life have already been deeply implanted within us, and even become our life, the foundation of our existence, and the guidance of our life. As a result, we do everything by relying on Satan’s rules of living. Under the influence of Satan’s ideas and viewpoints, I was cautious in everything I did, in order to ensure that I would not suffer losses. Therefore, I was always on guard and suspicious of others, including my wife, the person I was closest to. Because I lived by Satan’s philosophies of life, I thought over and over the matter of whether I should have my wife’s name written on the property ownership certificate, was on guard against her, and was unable to be candid with her. As a result, there was an estrangement between us and our feelings as husband and wife were also influenced. Think about my wife and her ex-husband, my neighboring third elder brother and his wife. They all lived by Satan’s rules of living, suspecting and guarding against each other, that they were unable to live in harmony. Eventually, two good families broke up, wasn’t this the result of being afflicted by Satan? Not until now did I realize that what Satan did was nothing but corrupt and harm mankind. Satan is really so evil!

Later, I also read in the word of God, “I very much appreciate those who harbor no suspicion about others and I also very much like those who readily accept the truth; to these two kinds of men I show great care, for in My eyes they are honest men. If you are very deceitful, then you will have a guarded heart and thoughts of suspicion regarding all matters and all men.” After reading God’s word, I realized that our suspecting others is all due to the control of our treacherous nature, and that it is displeasing to God. God loves the honest, and He asks us to be an honest person, not to suspect or guard against others based on our own imaginations. I thought about myself. I began to suspect and guard against my wife just because of the neighbors’ words. I really had no basis and all that I did was according to my imagination, which did not conform to the truth. Actually, my wife treated me well, and said everything directly to me, never concealing anything from me. Whereas, I distrusted, doubted and guarded with her, which caused the gap between our two hearts. The root of all my sufferings was that I was dominated by my treacherous nature. It was suspicion that put our originally harmonious relationship in danger. It was the enlightenment of God’s word that made me realize that through all people, matters, and things that I was faced with, God wished to cleanse and change me, and allowed me to get rid of my craftiness and suspicion and to break free from Satan’s bondage.

Thereupon, I secretly made up my mind to live by God’s word and to be an honest person, not to guard against my wife. Then, I came before God to pray, “God, please guide me to understand the truth, and let me know how to not live in craftiness and suspicion and how to get along with my wife properly and be confidential with her.” Afterward, I saw God’s word saying, “If people have no verbal or spiritual communication, there is no possibility of intimacy between them, and they can’t provide to each other or help one another. Do you have such a feeling? If your friend says everything to you, saying all of what they’re thinking in their heart, and what suffering or happiness they have in their heart, then do you not feel particularly intimate with them? That they are willing to tell these things to you is because you have also spoken of the words in your heart to them—you are especially close, and it is because of this that you are able to get along with them and help each other out. … If you wish for others to trust you, first you must be honest. To be honest, you must first lay your heart bare, so that everyone can see it, and all that you are thinking, and can see your true face; you must not pretend or package yourself. Only then will people trust you and consider you honest. This is the most fundamental practice of being honest, and it is a precondition.” After reading God’s word, I realized that only by opening our hearts to each other could we trust each other. If I wanted to live in harmony with my wife, I must be an honest person, and show my true heart to her. And I must lay myself bare to her, speak with her from the heart, and tell her why and how I guarded against her in whether to have her name written on the ownership certificate of our new house, instead of hiding them. Only in this way could I gain my wife’s trust, and only then could we get along with each other properly.

Thereupon, I established a resolution: I will not treat my wife like before anymore. I must practice the truth and be an honest person, and open my heart to tell her the truth. But then I thought: If I tell my wife the truth, will she say that I had been cheating her, not being sincere to her? But if I don’t do so, I feel uncomfortable. I really wanted to open my heart to her, but lacked the courage, which made me feel so distressed and pained and not know what to do. Afterward, I saw God’s word saying, “When you rebel against the flesh, there will inevitably be a battle within you. Satan will try and make you follow it, will try and make you follow the conceptions of the flesh and uphold the interests of the flesh—but God’s words will enlighten and illuminate you within, and at this time it is up to you whether you follow God or follow Satan.” “Although there are times when your flesh is weak and you are beset by many real troubles, during these times you will truly rely on God, and within your spirit you will be consoled, and you will feel certainty, and that you have something to depend upon. In this way, you will be able to overcome many environments.…” God’s word made me realize that: practicing the truth is not something that I can just do immediately if I want to, and that when I try to put the truth into practice, there will still be a battle in my heart. Truly! I am still restrained by my vanity, and worried about how my wife will think of me. Yet at this time, I need to rely on and look up to God, so that I could put aside my vanity and misgivings to practice the truth. Thereupon, I prayed to God, “God, seeing my wife treats me well, I want to open my heart and tell her the truth, not to live by Satan’s rules of living anymore. May You lead me and give me courage, so that I can have the strength to practice the truth of being honest. Amen!” After praying, the worries in my heart were relieved a lot. Then I plucked up courage to open my heart to my wife and speak about what the neighbors had said and what I had thought those days. I thought my wife would get angry with me, but unexpectedly, she said to me with a smile, “You can be honest and tell me the truth today, all this is the fruit attained through God’s word. God asks us to be honest, share the words in our heart, and communicate with each other frequently. Only in this way can we enhance mutual understanding and trust. …” When I heard this, my mind was relieved from a very heavy weight. And my heart was extremely released, steady, and peaceful.

The day when the ownership of our new house was transferred, I let my wife write her name on the property ownership certificate. Then, she looked at me, smiling knowingly. And I was also comforted in my heart. From then on, my wife and I help and love each other. Not only have we gained a happy marriage, but our life has also become more joyful.