A spacious, bright living room with a crib, with a half-year-old baby lying happily inside, his small mouth sucking on his little fingers … Xiaohui, on the sofa, watched this scene with a smile on her face that had never before graced it.
That the once infertile Xiaohui could give birth to a healthy baby was not the result of scientific or medical treatment. This is a life given to her by God. As she looked back on the bitterness of more than two years of seeking medical treatment, she was filled with complex emotions …
In her early 20’s, Xiaohui married her boyfriend of two years, and after their wedding, she enjoyed her husband’s love and affection, but she also looked forward to giving birth to a beautiful baby and fulfilling her dream of starting a family. But Xiaohui was never able to get pregnant, and when she went to the hospital to look into why, the doctor told her, “The chance of curing congenital ovarian dysplasia is very small.” This was a deeply painful blow for Xiaohui, who desperately wanted a child. She said to herself under her breath, “How could this happen? And how could anyone respect a woman who can’t have children? If I can’t have a baby, will my husband still want me in the future? And my mother-in-law is waiting to meet her grandchild.” Xiaohui was trapped in negativity and misery as tears streamed down her cheeks …
“Doctor, medicine is very advanced today, and even though I know the chance of curing my condition and getting pregnant is low, I’d like to do my best to cure it. Doctor, please help me!” Xiaohui begged, as if she was pinning all her hopes of having a child entirely on the doctor. The doctor began giving Xiaohui the most advanced infrared warming disinfection treatment available, and prescribed medicine, but after half a year of treatment and spending more than 30,000 yuan, Xiaohui’s diagnosis hadn’t changed. There was no improvement. Xiaohui felt especially helpless. Was there really no cure for her condition? Xiaohui wanted to try her treatment at a hospital with all the necessary equipment and doctors with the country’s most advanced skills. She thought they would definitely have the answers there. So, she gathered up her information and went to a famous national hospital to seek treatment.
But, after the doctor quickly looked through the materials she brought and asked her some simple questions about her condition and treatment history, he said, “You’ve always had weak menstruation, you have small ovaries only a few millimeters long, and low estrogen. Your medical history and exam results are in line with the diagnosis of congenital ovarian dysplasia, so I won’t give you another examination. Instead, we’ll use artificial progesterone to artificially establish menstruation.” But, after two months of this treatment, there was no improvement in Xiaohui’s condition, and the side effects of the medicine left Xiaohui without an appetite. She was in such pain and misery she couldn’t continue taking the medicine. But, Xiaohui didn’t want to give up. She thought of all the hospitals and doctors that had successfully treated many cases of infertility she had read about online, or seen on TV and in advertisements, and she dreamed of being the next successful example. With her last hope driving her, she went to two well-known big hospitals. After her diagnosis, a famous doctor told her, “Your estrogen levels are very low, so you’ll have to use hormone replacement therapy for your entire life. You can’t ever stop the treatment, or you’ll age prematurely.” There was no question that these words were like salt rubbed in Xiaohui’s wounds. She never could have imagined that her condition would require lifetime hormone replacement therapy. Frustrated, Xiaohui had no choice but to listen to the doctor and undergo treatment for another half a year, but when she was reexamined, her ovaries were still undersized and contained no mature eggs. Xiaohui was utterly hopeless …
Xiaohui stared in shock at the results of her final examination. In the past two years, she had spent all of the 100,000 yuan she saved from work on her treatment. She also clearly remembered her experiences of suffering for her treatment: She took every test, medicine, and shot according to the doctors’ instructions, and all of it, she didn’t dare neglect a single detail; she went to every examination appointment, in the cold of winter or the heat of summer; she couldn’t recall how far she had traveled or how much blood had been drawn from her, or how many injections she had been given or medicine she had taken. But in the end, there wasn’t even the slightest improvement in her condition. Instead, she was physically and mentally fatigued, in pain, and thanks to the side effects of her long-term use of hormones, her weight increased from her original 45 kg to 60 kg. She was several sizes larger. When she looked at her moon-shaped face and bloated figure in the mirror, she felt a disappointment she had never experienced before. She had always felt that medicine and science were authoritative, but they weren’t as good as she imagined. Immediately she felt as though she had nothing to rely on, and she fell into sorrow and despair.
That night, Xiaohui rolled to and fro in her bed, unable to sleep. As she looked at the blackness of night outside the window, she felt helpless, and silent tears streamed from the corners of her eyes onto the pillow …
Xiaohui’s grandmother, who had always shown great care for her, came to her house and saw how tormented and hopeless Xiaohui’s infertility had made her. She gently advised Xiaohui, “Xiaohui, I know how much you’ve suffered and what you’ve gone through to treat your infertility the last few years. I’ve watched you go through all of it, and I’ve been very worried about you.” Xiaohui was silent as she held back her tears. Her grandmother continued, “The truth is, we don’t have any choice in the matter of whether we get pregnant. We can’t control it, neither can doctors or science. Only God can. You should believe in God. God’s word can resolve all the problems and difficulties we encounter in life.” Xiaohui’s grandmother’s words comforted her, and she felt her heart calm.
Her grandmother continued, “Xiaohui, let’s read two passages of God’s words and see what they say about having children.” Xiaohui took the book of God’s words and read: “People’s plans and fantasies are perfect; do they not know that the number of children they have, their children’s appearance, abilities, and so forth, are not for them to decide…? People go to any length for the sake of their offspring, but in the end, how many children one has, and what one’s children are like, do not answer to their plans and desires. Some people are penniless but beget many children; some people are wealthy yet have no child. Some want a daughter but are denied that wish; some want a son but fail to produce a male child.” “What is the cause of this pain? Is it because of God’s sovereignty, or because a person was born unlucky? Obviously neither is true. At bottom, it is because of the paths people take, the ways people choose to live their lives.” Her grandmother fellowshiped, “You can see how clearly God’s words explain the matter. Whether we have children, whether our children are boys or girls, what our children look like, and what they do in the future aren’t up to us, nor are they up to doctors. Everyone has their own fate, which is orchestrated and arranged by God. Take your own efforts to have a child as quickly as possible. You did everything you could, so why was this the result? It shows that God hasn’t ordained that you have a child at this time, but it doesn’t show that God has preordained you will never have a child, because we don’t know what God has preordained.”
After hearing her grandmother’s fellowship, Xiaohui recalled her experience of treating her condition, how she thought of every possible method and went to all the big hospitals, but in the end she still couldn’t get pregnant. Xiaohui acknowledged God’s words and her grandmother’s fellowship.
“Xiaohui, don’t bring yourself any more trouble to treat your condition. If God has ordained that you’ll have a child, then sooner or later you’ll be pregnant. If not, nothing you can do will make it happen. Just face it honestly and obey God’s sovereignty and predestination! Then, you won’t have any worries or torment, and you’ll be able to live happily and joyously.”
At that moment, Xiaohui began to understand that if or when she ever had a child was entirely orchestrated and determined by God, and was not something she could plan or arrange, nor was it something she could change through effort and medical treatment. After Xiaohui said a prayer of obedience to God with her grandmother’s help, she felt more relaxed and at ease than she ever had before. She no longer cared what others thought of her, and no longer cared how her parents-in-law and husband would treat her. Afterward, she no longer entrusted her ability to have a child to medicine, but left it in Almighty God’s hands for Him to orchestrate and arrange. In her free time, she went to her parents’ home to read God’s word and sing hymns of praise to God with her grandmother, and deep in her heart she felt the peace and joy of God.
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